Don't Diss Domesticity
I am so thrilled that my indoor plant starts are growing. It is so beautiful to me to see their progress everyday, though I'm nervous to actually plant them because I've gotten a bit attached to them and fear that they will die.
My dad and step-mom came up to Portland from Bend last Tuesday for one night. I had dinner with them before my acting class. I didn't realize how much I missed them until I was sitting at the table and looking at them. It's been hard to get away to visit them, and this is only the third time in three and a half years, since I moved here, that they've come to Portland. Anyhow, I mentioned to them that I had planted indoor starts and my step-mom thought that it was so great. She even made a comment about how I'm becoming more domestic, and this made her very happy.
My step-mom has two daughters and they produced grandchildren for her quite early. One daughter had three girls (though one died of SIDS) and the other daughter has four kids. At the beginning my step-sisters gave the impression of having a healthy, domestic life...one was married and the other lived with her boyfriend in Texas. I don't remember exactly when it all fell apart, but it did, and it did badly. Long story short, my step-mom no longer has contact with her daughters and her daughters no longer have custody of their children.
Throughout all of that I always felt like the odd one out, but in a good way. I never got into trouble with the law, I earned a bachelor's degree and was asked to be a part of the honor society Phi Kappa Phi, I've had respectable jobs in real estate and I've never been pregnant. The one thing I've never really been, though, is domestic.
My parents (by "parents" I mean my dad and my step-mom...my Mom is a completely different entity in my life and that's the way I like it), though very proud of my accomplishments and thankfulness that I turned out different than my step-sisters, always wanted me to be more "feminine." They would lecture me about dressing more ladylike, keeping my house clean and learning how to cook...my impression was that they just wished I was more domestic. I think I retaliated a bit because of that, because I felt that I could never be exactly what they wanted me to be.
Being engaged to Neil has really made me care about my life and what's in it. When I first got engaged, my best friend asked, "Do you really think you can settle down?" At first I was a bit hurt by the question, but then I realized that it came from a person who knows me better than anyone, except my mom. I think there was a part of me that really didn't want to be domestic and I questioned if I even wanted to have children. But, the thought of marrying Neil made me excited to create a cozy home for us and, slowly, I started to embrace my hidden domesticity.
I'm happy to be more domestic...it's a word that doesn't have a negative connotation for me anymore. I'm telling you, those plant starts really marked a shift in me. My mom was also very excited about them as she said I was becoming more nurturing and she's been waiting for that.
I am so in love with what's in my life right now. Things that were just "there" before are now much more near and dear to me. I think, perhaps, I have domesticity to thank for that.
My dad and step-mom came up to Portland from Bend last Tuesday for one night. I had dinner with them before my acting class. I didn't realize how much I missed them until I was sitting at the table and looking at them. It's been hard to get away to visit them, and this is only the third time in three and a half years, since I moved here, that they've come to Portland. Anyhow, I mentioned to them that I had planted indoor starts and my step-mom thought that it was so great. She even made a comment about how I'm becoming more domestic, and this made her very happy.
My step-mom has two daughters and they produced grandchildren for her quite early. One daughter had three girls (though one died of SIDS) and the other daughter has four kids. At the beginning my step-sisters gave the impression of having a healthy, domestic life...one was married and the other lived with her boyfriend in Texas. I don't remember exactly when it all fell apart, but it did, and it did badly. Long story short, my step-mom no longer has contact with her daughters and her daughters no longer have custody of their children.
Throughout all of that I always felt like the odd one out, but in a good way. I never got into trouble with the law, I earned a bachelor's degree and was asked to be a part of the honor society Phi Kappa Phi, I've had respectable jobs in real estate and I've never been pregnant. The one thing I've never really been, though, is domestic.
My parents (by "parents" I mean my dad and my step-mom...my Mom is a completely different entity in my life and that's the way I like it), though very proud of my accomplishments and thankfulness that I turned out different than my step-sisters, always wanted me to be more "feminine." They would lecture me about dressing more ladylike, keeping my house clean and learning how to cook...my impression was that they just wished I was more domestic. I think I retaliated a bit because of that, because I felt that I could never be exactly what they wanted me to be.
Being engaged to Neil has really made me care about my life and what's in it. When I first got engaged, my best friend asked, "Do you really think you can settle down?" At first I was a bit hurt by the question, but then I realized that it came from a person who knows me better than anyone, except my mom. I think there was a part of me that really didn't want to be domestic and I questioned if I even wanted to have children. But, the thought of marrying Neil made me excited to create a cozy home for us and, slowly, I started to embrace my hidden domesticity.
I'm happy to be more domestic...it's a word that doesn't have a negative connotation for me anymore. I'm telling you, those plant starts really marked a shift in me. My mom was also very excited about them as she said I was becoming more nurturing and she's been waiting for that.
I am so in love with what's in my life right now. Things that were just "there" before are now much more near and dear to me. I think, perhaps, I have domesticity to thank for that.
posted by Aislinn at
11:04 AM
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