It's All So Taxing
I'm feeling angry. It is an emotion I haven't felt in a long time. Sure, I get annoyed or bothered, but rarely am I angry. I just put my taxes in the mail and spent almost all of my savings doing so. I wouldn't have had to pay so much if I had stayed at my old job, working for a real estate agent in Lake Oswego. But, I left the job for my health, physical and mental. I left without planning, in a rush to become balanced, and healthy, again. I've struggled with feeling like I was punished financially for trying to make my life better (I know, that's quite the view of the victim, isn't it?).
If I stayed, I wouldn't have had money troubles and I wouldn't have gotten another job with a realtor friend who didn't take taxes out of my pay (I took a job I knew out of financial fear, instead of pursuing a job in a field that I'm passionate about). Then came the holidays and just before hand I had to pay an unexpected chunk of money for a health issue. Thus, I didn't have the money to set aside for taxes and am now paying out just about all that I have.
What hurts the most is that I feel I'm sending nearly all that I have to a government whose choices I don't agree with. It stings. I don't know what to do with the anger. Part of me is trying to accept it as a harsh lesson of "that's life", but another part of me wants to fight it, change it, not have to accept it. But how do you do that?
Sometimes I feel so daunted by how many people there are in this world. I have several thoughts that come up around this. Why should I have children and add to the chaos? Why should have I have children and subject them to the world and it's ways? How can I make a difference on my own? And, why do I feel that I'm not important enough or don't have it in me to make a difference? These are all very negative, depressing views that I'm not proud of. But, I won't lie that I don't have them.
I feel disempowered, and that is all my doing. I'm allowing myself to feel disempowered instead of being a powerful stand for transformation. So, who should I really be angry with? The government? The system? Or, myself?
I'm starting to feel that it's the latter.
Love,
Aislinn
If I stayed, I wouldn't have had money troubles and I wouldn't have gotten another job with a realtor friend who didn't take taxes out of my pay (I took a job I knew out of financial fear, instead of pursuing a job in a field that I'm passionate about). Then came the holidays and just before hand I had to pay an unexpected chunk of money for a health issue. Thus, I didn't have the money to set aside for taxes and am now paying out just about all that I have.
What hurts the most is that I feel I'm sending nearly all that I have to a government whose choices I don't agree with. It stings. I don't know what to do with the anger. Part of me is trying to accept it as a harsh lesson of "that's life", but another part of me wants to fight it, change it, not have to accept it. But how do you do that?
Sometimes I feel so daunted by how many people there are in this world. I have several thoughts that come up around this. Why should I have children and add to the chaos? Why should have I have children and subject them to the world and it's ways? How can I make a difference on my own? And, why do I feel that I'm not important enough or don't have it in me to make a difference? These are all very negative, depressing views that I'm not proud of. But, I won't lie that I don't have them.
I feel disempowered, and that is all my doing. I'm allowing myself to feel disempowered instead of being a powerful stand for transformation. So, who should I really be angry with? The government? The system? Or, myself?
I'm starting to feel that it's the latter.
Love,
Aislinn
posted by Aislinn at
9:16 PM
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