Damn you, 7UP!
So...I've been struggling with my acting work lately. And aside from the personal torment that I put myself through, I saw an ad for 7UP on TV tonight and noticed an old classmate from PSU. E is a very sweet, very tiny woman, who was in nearly every acting class with me at PSU. She was a bit of a teacher's pet. This was evident from my first class, but became annoying (and disputed) in the final class that we had together. She was good. And the teacher knew how to direct her.
E directed me in a scene from The Blue Room. She wasn't a very affective director overall, but she knew how to work with us actors. Even after having worked closely with her, E and I could never quite mesh, even though we liked each other, and I soon found her to be my competition.
One summer I had the itch to get a production together to put up on the PSU student stage (a small black box with slim stadium seating). I spoke with my friend, who was the president of the student theater organization, and we decided to put our friend's play up (he's quite a succinct playwrite, I'm surprised he hasn't been discovered yet). So, long story short, the whole plan was for my friend to direct and me to act, but when it came time to schedule the initial readings, my friend switched the dates on me, I couldn't make it, so who did she have "sit in" for me? Yes, it was E. And once that happened, I knew it was over. My friend decided to give the role to E, and I got...to be the stage manager. The production fell through (I think because of karma) so all in all, it became a moot point. However, it stuck with me for a long time.
Seeing E on TV tonight was a bit of a let down for me. I mean, it's wonderful for her and I'm proud of her, I really am. But, once again, she's beaten me to it. Granted, it's not my goal to do commercials...but I would if I had the opportunity. She's obviously pursuing it more than I am.
So, why am I not pursuing it? Why am I not more committed to my acting? It scares me to be committed and yet it scares me that I'm not (at least at the level that I once thought I would be). And, just to clarify, what I mean by committed to my acting is not so much the work itself, but going out trying to find work (gigs).
Perhaps I can turn it into motivation, seeing E tonight. I went from shock at seeing her, to pain in my heart, to feeling down about myself...but that's not how I want the story to end...
Love,
Aislinn
E directed me in a scene from The Blue Room. She wasn't a very affective director overall, but she knew how to work with us actors. Even after having worked closely with her, E and I could never quite mesh, even though we liked each other, and I soon found her to be my competition.
One summer I had the itch to get a production together to put up on the PSU student stage (a small black box with slim stadium seating). I spoke with my friend, who was the president of the student theater organization, and we decided to put our friend's play up (he's quite a succinct playwrite, I'm surprised he hasn't been discovered yet). So, long story short, the whole plan was for my friend to direct and me to act, but when it came time to schedule the initial readings, my friend switched the dates on me, I couldn't make it, so who did she have "sit in" for me? Yes, it was E. And once that happened, I knew it was over. My friend decided to give the role to E, and I got...to be the stage manager. The production fell through (I think because of karma) so all in all, it became a moot point. However, it stuck with me for a long time.
Seeing E on TV tonight was a bit of a let down for me. I mean, it's wonderful for her and I'm proud of her, I really am. But, once again, she's beaten me to it. Granted, it's not my goal to do commercials...but I would if I had the opportunity. She's obviously pursuing it more than I am.
So, why am I not pursuing it? Why am I not more committed to my acting? It scares me to be committed and yet it scares me that I'm not (at least at the level that I once thought I would be). And, just to clarify, what I mean by committed to my acting is not so much the work itself, but going out trying to find work (gigs).
Perhaps I can turn it into motivation, seeing E tonight. I went from shock at seeing her, to pain in my heart, to feeling down about myself...but that's not how I want the story to end...
Love,
Aislinn
posted by Aislinn at
11:54 PM
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