I'm a quitter!

I'm trying to quit smoking. I fear, though, that it will be a lifelong struggle. I quit for two years about four years ago, but started back up shortly after 9/11 and an attempted break in to our house in the middle of the night. I was so shaken, I saw a half smoked cigarette of my (now) ex's and picked up like I was a fiend for heroin. Not that I know what that's like, but I know that they say that quitting cigarettes is harder than quitting heroin.

Since I've lived in Portland I've tried to quit at least four times. I quit in December for several months...I thought I'd finally kicked it. Then, my best friend moved up from California and that's our thing, smoking together. We'd even call each other when she live in CA and say, "Wanna go smoke?". Plus, I went to a bar and drank...which I quickly learned, I can not do if I'm trying not to smoke. I get one drink in me and I'm searching for a cigarette.

Anyhow, I'm on my 5th day of wearing the patch (which really does help me), but I smoked Fri, Sat and Sun (only a couple each day, but that basically starts the whole process over so I feel like I've started three days out in a row suffering like it was my first day). I haven't smoked today and I'm doing so-so, but I sure did want one after work.

It sucks. I want to kick it so bad, but it has such an awsome grasp on me. I've tried to be in the mentality that I know it's just the nicotine talking when I crave a smoke and just to let it pass, it's not what my body wants anymore, but the cravings are so strong.

Anyways, think good thoughts for me. I'm really trying.

Love,
Aislinn