Auditions II

What I've written below is actually a response to a comment on my previous post, but decided I would air my thoughts out here instead of in the comments. So, if you're wondering what this is in reponse to, see David's comment to my previous post "Auditions"...

I had a feeling someone would comment on my remark about frowning on the plays being put up in "gymnasiums and community centers." I wouldn't have even gone to the auditions if I was being snotty about them...I went to every single one that I was called back to. I should have explained that I could tell that the productions didn't have their shit together just by the audition process and it seemed fitting that their productions were being put up in out of the way, rather strange places...like a tucked away, run down community center in Tigard.

But, don't get me wrong. I did a play in a small room in the back of a warehouse once...it wasn't exactly in a main stream location or theater space, and we still had good success. So, I'm certainly not against theater in small or unique places...in fact, I much support it. I just want to know that, no matter how small the play or theater space, the director has experience (whether it be acting or directing) and the production will be worth it. I don't quite know how else to explain it...but it's certainly not about being snotty.

It's like looking for postings on craigslist: there are many local filmmakers that are casting films but how do you know that they will even know what they're doing (as a good chunk of them are students who are just beginning)? I've asked Neal this and he said that you basically have to interview the director in return. Go and audition but also ask the director about his experience. If you don't get a good feeling, then don't pursue the role any further.

I mean, getting the experience (and not being too picky about it) is important, but I don't want to continuously get cast in just anything (and run the risk of being in a poor production...and thus continuously having your name attached to poor productions), just to put it on my resume. But, it's also a risk that you just have to take sometimes and I understand that, too.

I don't know if that all makes sense...my mind is strangely numb today and I'm not finding the words to clearly describe what I mean. However, I thank you, David, for reminding me (after all that!) that greatness can be found in small, unique packages, too! And one might happen to stumble into greatness if they're willing to take the risk.

Love,
Aislinn

Auditions

I'm stuck in indecision. As theater companies are beginning to cast their fall shows, I'm on the lookout for auditions. So far, I haven't found much. So, I thought about being more proactive and considered emailing my headshot and resume to theaters and production companies. But, then I realized that the PATA auditions are coming up in a couple weeks, so why not hit everyone at once? And that's where I get stuck.

The two most prepared monologues that I have are the same two that I performed the last (and only) time I auditioned for PATA...so, just in case anyone happens to remember me, I don't want them to think that I haven't prepared anything new in roughly two years...even though that is pretty much the case (how embarrassing).

Last night, I stayed up late reading through a book of classical monologues for women. I found three possibilities...but in reality, I feel that I would be in over my head to try to prepare them in just two weeks (or is that just fear talking?). So, I've also toyed with doing monologues from two plays that I worked on for acting class: Nora from A Doll's House and Bonnie from Hurlyburly. Those are pretty contrasting characters...though I'd have to say that I never quite got a handle on either one of them.

And then there's this feeling of not wanting to do the PATA auditions altogether. The last time I did them I had several call backs; one for ART, but the rest were for some small productions being put up in gymnasiums or community centers. That probably reflects my level of talent at that point in time to some degree, but it still concerns me that the auditions will be a waste of time. And not just for me...I'm not, in my own opinion, a great auditioner. The pressure gets to me and I'm easily disconnected. I just want to say, "I know I'm doing, I really do!" Well, I may not always know what I'm doing when it comes to acting, and that can be a good thing, but the point is that I have experience and training (not nearly as much as some but more than many). So...if I could skip the PATA auditions and reach out to the artistic directors directly and establish a bit of a personal relationship at the same time I'm trying to sell myself...would that help my chances? Would they even give me, let alone my email/mail, the time of day?

Then I remember that I'll have to renew my membership... and my headshot is not the greatest...excuses, excuses. Why am I so hesitant to do the stinking auditions? My intuition is telling me not to do them...and yet there's that determined part of me that doesn't want to fuck up my chances by not doing them and not getting myself in front of as many theaters and production companies as I can.

My mind's in a quandary. Hopefully clarity will be abundant soon.

Love,
Aislinn

Sunday Matinee

Well, we had our biggest house yet at today's matinee...11 people. Including a guest reviewer for the Willamette Week. And, of course, because a reviewer was there, we had our roughest run yet. I don't think a first time audience member would be able to tell, but we were all shaking our heads backstage. Missed lines. Prop malfunctions. It was a bit rough, but the audience seemed to enjoy it nonetheless...even the reviewer saw me afterwards and briefly complimented me and the show. We'll see what she really thought next week...!

There has yet to be a show that someone doesn't cry. After a particular scene each performance, as I wait in the wings to go back on stage, I hear sniffling. I like this as it means that we're reaching people; even though it's touching sadness in them. That's one of the main reasons why I love to act: to touch people. To help them to feel things that they normally wouldn't on their own. It's very beautiful to me. Neil said that there were actually a few women crying tonight.

And my dear, sweet Neil, I just want to say, has seen the show 4 times! And each time he brings me a beautiful bouquet of flowers. He's spoiling me, really. He makes me feel quite special. To me, honestly, it's a bit excessive...and yet it's wonderful...charming. I mean, who wouldn't really want to be supported so completely? And my mom is the same way. She came two nights in a row, bringing me flowers each night, before she went out of town again. I'm so grateful to be so loved and supported.

Well, hopefully we'll have a better audience turn out next week.

Love,
Aislinn

Can Anyone Spare an Audience?

It's opening weekend for Wit and each night we've been able to count our audience members on two hands. I thought last night, being Friday, would draw a larger crowd. The production of Private Eyes in the theater next door had a good sized audience. Our stage manager came into the green room..."I'm calling 15 minutes, but not really. Cuz, we only have three people in the audience so we're gonna hold up a bit."

"Oh, so we're doing a show for the ushers?" Evelyn, the comically-on-the-verge-of-crochety elder actor, joked. We had three "ushers" show up and we all kind of chuckled because there's really no need for even one usher in our small, 90 seat black box. As I came downstairs from the green room, the bustle of our neighboring stage was exciting and I felt a pang of jealousy.

There ended up being a total of 8 people in our audience...the three ushers, the two producers, the lead actor's ex husband and date and my fiance. It felt like we had done all of this work just to put on a skit for our family members. I wish I could lie and say that the size of the audience doesn't bother me because it's about the work...and the love of the work. Which...is very true for me...but I was bummed out last night that our theater was so empty.

I'd like to think that right now we're Portland's best kept theater secret...once reviewers start coming, they'll speak so highly of our show that the crowds will come in overwhelming herds...we'll sell out every night...we'll have to extend the run of the show! Okay, that took it a bit far, but at this point, I can only hope. We had no reviewers last night, and I really thought we would...I really hoped we would.

My acting coach, who came to preview night, said that Wit is the best play he's seen in Portland for years. And his praise of me was...I'm still speechless...it brought tears to my eyes. His praise was actually a bit frightening for me because I began to worry that I wouldn't be able to live up to it again. That I would let it go to my head and then I would falter and fail by allowing my ego to control me into trying to "get it right", to make sure I validate him. But it also made me feel quite amazing...I mean, he's my acting coach. His comments mean a great deal! And, so far I've been able to stay connected and use the excitement of it in my work (something that I credit my acting class for teaching me...being able to use what you have/are feeling in the moment), and I continue to get wonderful comments...and beyond that, I continue to feel good about my work.

I think that last night, the lack of energy that you get from a larger audience made me start to feel how tired I was. We've been rehearsing/performing every day/night since last Saturday...and that's on top of working 8 hours a day for me.

But, even though I'm tired and bummed out about our small audience, I am so happy to being doing theater again. I really missed it and I had forgotten how much joy it brings me. There were times where I it was all I could do just to go to acting class and focus on my training. But now, my consistent training and working is starting to pay off because it's just a part of me now, and it's propelling me and my work to new levels...and I am so grateful.

I don't know how many people read this (probably about as many people who have been in our audiences...or even less!), but come see Wit. It really is an amazing play.

Love,
Aislinn

Dumb It Down

I was waiting for it. I tried to avoid it. The director of Wit finally said it last night. I have to dumb my character down. I'm smarter than she is, he says, and it shows through on lines that I know what I'm talking about but the character's not really supposed to. I agree and I disagree. To me, the character is a bit spacey at times, but she's a nurse. In my experience, nurses are very intelligent...my mom is a nurse and one of my best friends is in nursing school...and the amount of information that you have to know is mind blowing to me! So, how do I be a dumb nurse?

Now I'm stuck on this because I don't want to "play" dumb and be totally inauthentic. I've been getting praised by a couple of the other actors for how good and believable I am and how I'm a "natural" actor (and I credit my acting class for helping me to come from an authentic place). So, I'm a bit worried about pushing the dumb and being annoying instead of believable.

I've got more character work to do. Dumb it down. I look forward to the day that I get to play a strong, intelligent, intriguing, likable woman.

Love,
Aislinn