The "best" friend
I need to know if this is just me or if this is a common experience for others as well, particularly women.
My fiance has a friend named...lets call him...well, it really doesn't matter. This "friend" is a flake. He makes plans and doesn't keep them. He promises things (literally gives his word) and doesn't follow through. My fiance is frustrated with him, but it doesn't seem to matter how frustrated he gets, he will always defend this friend and let him get away with it. Now, if I try to step in and voice my opinion, I get slammed for it. Suddenly I'm the "bad" guy because...well, that's what I don't get. Why am I the bad guy? I'm the one who will always be there for him. I'm the one who will love and accept him for the rest of our lives. But his friend.... He treats him like shit and I'm in the wrong if I say something about it.
You know, I told myself that I wouldn't write about my troubles in my relationship here, but I need to vent. Part of me wants to apologize for this and yet I also feel that I created this blog for me to express myself.
Anyhow, I'm obviously frustrated. A man asks a woman to spend the rest of her life with him, to create a family and be there for him through everything...even during times that she may not want to be there. But, she better not stand up for him when his "best" friend treats him like shit, because then it's all about her and she shouldn't even open her mouth about it.
It doesn't make sense to me. Is it just "the way that it is" when it comes to men and their friends? 'Cause I don't know if I like that.
Perhaps, just maybe, someone can give me some insight.
Love,
Aislinn
My fiance has a friend named...lets call him...well, it really doesn't matter. This "friend" is a flake. He makes plans and doesn't keep them. He promises things (literally gives his word) and doesn't follow through. My fiance is frustrated with him, but it doesn't seem to matter how frustrated he gets, he will always defend this friend and let him get away with it. Now, if I try to step in and voice my opinion, I get slammed for it. Suddenly I'm the "bad" guy because...well, that's what I don't get. Why am I the bad guy? I'm the one who will always be there for him. I'm the one who will love and accept him for the rest of our lives. But his friend.... He treats him like shit and I'm in the wrong if I say something about it.
You know, I told myself that I wouldn't write about my troubles in my relationship here, but I need to vent. Part of me wants to apologize for this and yet I also feel that I created this blog for me to express myself.
Anyhow, I'm obviously frustrated. A man asks a woman to spend the rest of her life with him, to create a family and be there for him through everything...even during times that she may not want to be there. But, she better not stand up for him when his "best" friend treats him like shit, because then it's all about her and she shouldn't even open her mouth about it.
It doesn't make sense to me. Is it just "the way that it is" when it comes to men and their friends? 'Cause I don't know if I like that.
Perhaps, just maybe, someone can give me some insight.
Love,
Aislinn
posted by Aislinn at
3:16 AM
2 Comments:
Unsolicited 'advice' is almost never welcome, even--and especially--from a spouse. For the most part, stick up for yourself and let him do likewise. Where your partner's friend's actions become a problem for YOU, that's one thing. If they're a problem merely for HIM, that's another. If how he DEALS with his problems doesn't work for you--if it makes him a bad partner--that's another issue altogether. Hang in there.
By
David Millstone, at 8:40 AM
Thanks, David! It's a big lesson of mine lately to let people live their own lives and allow myself to be concerned, but not overbearing or, dare I say it, controlling. People have to figure things out on their own.
Everything seems to work out in the end, I just get frustrated when people choose to stay stuck in the muck...but I do it in my own ways, too. It's just part of being human, I guess.
(Sorry for the late reponse, by the way)
By
Aislinn, at 6:35 PM
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