The Opposite

Okay, I'm feeling feisty right now. I also drank a bunch of sake tonight and I don't usually drink...so I would guess that that has something to do with it.

I'm feeling the need to let loose and right now that means to go out and party. I need to dance...move my body and have some fun. I've become so mellow and one dimensional. The mellow part isn't bad...but I have so many facets to me that need to be expressed that aren't being so.

I fear that I'm on the verge of doing a Britney Spears. Not that I'm going to shave my hair, though I am curious to see how I would look...I think I would look kinda sexy...anyways, I just need to let go of the old and find a happy medium of fun AND responsibility. I have a lot of responsibilities and it weighs you down. It's also incredibly gratifying to have so many important things that take a lot of care in your life...but sometimes you just want it be free of it. Just ever so often.

I would choose the responsibility over the opposite, for the record.

Love,
Aislinn

Need to Move

I'm feeling the urge to move. I've been living in the same place for four years (or so) and my desire to change our living space, which was once an idea/thought/daydream, has now come near to desperation. I know a man who is remodeling a small house by The Grotto in NE Portland. We went and saw it today. It's cute. It has a huge back yard and a full, cement (though not remodeled) basement. And the plus is that because he's remodeling it, everything will be new and fresh. But he doesn't know when he'll have it done...and that's driving me nuts.

It's not a perfect house. The "main" bedroom would barely fit our bed and we'd be lucky to fit just one dresser (we have two). The living room is a bit small, we would have to be creative with our furniture. And, the bathroom is accessible through both bedrooms, not from a common area (oh, and the toilet is so close to the wall you'd probably have to sit sideways).

But, it does have a dining room/space and a room off the kitchen that could be the computer nook, which would leave the tiny 2nd bedroom entirely as a guest room or a closet, since it would be a challenge to fit all our clothes in the other bedroom.

So, it obviously has it's pluses and minuses. But even if we do decide to give it a try, I don't know if I can wait that long...perhaps I could if I knew even approximately how long it will take.

New energy, new surroundings...I need it!

Love,
Aislinn

Undecided

Well, I've been busy trying to create what I want for my life. Trouble is, I don't know what that is. Half the time I wish my life were more glamorous. The other half I'm trying to hang on to life's coat tails, wishing I had the energy and wisdom to keep up (and not get overwhelmed).

This is definitely a pivotal time in my life. I'll be getting married this year and will want to have kids in a couple more years, so I feel that I need to do all the things that I want before I have so many responsibilities. I know I've written about this before. I'm still stuck.

I found out last week that an ex-boyfriend of mine moved to San Diego and just got a recording contract. We were going to move to California together...if we had stayed together. I didn't think that he would ever leave Bend...he was a local celebrity there - musician and model. Looks like I'm the one who got left in the dust. I'm so very happy for him. It was also a bit hard to swallow.

So, that's where I'm at. Floating in the choppy waters of the unknown - or undecided.

Love,
Aislinn

My week

I had a dream this morning that I had written something on my blog that elicited 15 comments. I had only started to read them when my dream took me somewhere else and I can't recall what I had written. But, when I woke up, I thought that perhaps it was a gentle reminder that I should pay some attention to my blog.

Last week was a difficult week for me. I finally chose my wedding date and started to tell people, then we had some "relationship issues." Things are smoothing out but it wasn't easy. I also had an identity theft scare, which still may be yet to play out. So I've been a bit emotional and out of sync.

The week ended well, however, with my dad and stepmom coming up to visit from Bend to watch a Blazer game in a suite last night. Neil and I got into the game, we had to rival the 10-year-old Bulls fans screaming behind us. At one point the boys had yelled "break!" during one of the Blazers' free throw shots and when the basketball swished through the hoop, Neil and I turned around and pointed in their faces, yelling "haha!" The kids didn't quite know what to do and their faces showed it, which made me feel like maybe we had gone a little too far. But that's what you get when you go to a home team game and yell that they suck the entire time. Unfortunately the Blazers lost. That was a tough one to lose to those 10-year-olds.

Then, after the game, Neil and I went to our friends' "Naughty Boys and Girls Party". It's an annual shin dig with a theme each year, this year being boots. You had to dress naughty and wear boots to get in the door. We didn't stay long as Neil is volunteering for the Special Olympics today, but it was good to get out and see our friends and be in the craziness. We met the producer of 2Boards production company. 2Boards produced Private Eyes, which was the show that ran alongside Wit at Theater! Theatre! The man realized that Neil was the one who "came to see Wit every fucking night" and they introduced themselves. I was looking forward to meeting the man, myself, being that he is a producer, but he only had eyes for Neil. He was quite the dancer, too. He cut up the rug the entire time we were there.

So, that's what's been up for me. Cheers!

Love,
Aislinn