Oh, Those Little Insecurities
I woke up with a lot on my mind this morning. Mostly about Neil, my fiance. He is a River Rescue Technician (their official term) for AMR (American Medical Response) this summer and I'm concerned about his conduct on the job. Neil is very fun-loving and upbeat, two qualities that I really love about him, but sometimes it can be over-bearing and taken the wrong way. He has already been knocked down from a full time position to part time because they didn't feel that he was taking the training seriously since he was "playing around so much". Neil says that he just laughs a lot as a way to deal with his insecurities, but he doesn't realize how disruptive it can be. Well, actually, he's realizing now.
At first I just tried to be supportive of Neil and his situation, I mean anyone would be upset about getting bumped from full time to part time (if they were expecting a full time position), for any reason. Now a few days later, I'm feeling a little frustrated and worried. They could have just let Neil go all together, and I'm sure that they are really watching his behavior. I'm not sure I trust that Neil can help himself sometimes. I've tried to talk to him about it before but he feels like I'm lecturing him or that I just can't handle how social he is. This is the beginning of, hopefully, a long career in the emergency medical services field and I don't want Neil to fuck it up. It affects my future, too!
I guess, in a way, it's a good lesson for me too. I also have a lot of insecurities and now I get the chance to see how disruptive they can be in your life. And when you really take a look at the whole picture, what I'm insecure about (or what Neil is insecure about), is so incredibly minuscule and vain and not at all worth the energy. So, this is good for me to see. I just hope that Neil and I can both learn our lessons from this quickly so we can move on and not have to repeat it.
I was also thinking about Dangerous Writing a lot this morning (well, in truth, it's still on my mind rather constantly). I felt like we did some good work last night but the night before didn't go so well for me. I think what's bugging me the most about it, though, is that I should have voiced what I was experiencing at the time, but there was a myriad of reasons why I didn't, the main one being that it was almost one in the morning and I was just straight up tired. I don't know how to write about it here without sounding cryptic, so I'm going to stop there.
I'm just feeling a little off this morning. I have to be at hair and makeup in an hour. It's going to be a long day, I hope I can have some fun with it.
Love,
Aislinn
At first I just tried to be supportive of Neil and his situation, I mean anyone would be upset about getting bumped from full time to part time (if they were expecting a full time position), for any reason. Now a few days later, I'm feeling a little frustrated and worried. They could have just let Neil go all together, and I'm sure that they are really watching his behavior. I'm not sure I trust that Neil can help himself sometimes. I've tried to talk to him about it before but he feels like I'm lecturing him or that I just can't handle how social he is. This is the beginning of, hopefully, a long career in the emergency medical services field and I don't want Neil to fuck it up. It affects my future, too!
I guess, in a way, it's a good lesson for me too. I also have a lot of insecurities and now I get the chance to see how disruptive they can be in your life. And when you really take a look at the whole picture, what I'm insecure about (or what Neil is insecure about), is so incredibly minuscule and vain and not at all worth the energy. So, this is good for me to see. I just hope that Neil and I can both learn our lessons from this quickly so we can move on and not have to repeat it.
I was also thinking about Dangerous Writing a lot this morning (well, in truth, it's still on my mind rather constantly). I felt like we did some good work last night but the night before didn't go so well for me. I think what's bugging me the most about it, though, is that I should have voiced what I was experiencing at the time, but there was a myriad of reasons why I didn't, the main one being that it was almost one in the morning and I was just straight up tired. I don't know how to write about it here without sounding cryptic, so I'm going to stop there.
I'm just feeling a little off this morning. I have to be at hair and makeup in an hour. It's going to be a long day, I hope I can have some fun with it.
Love,
Aislinn
posted by Aislinn at
9:51 AM
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