The Million Dollar Question
I was watching Office Space the other day and took a moment to ponder after the scene where they ask, if you had a million dollars, what would you do with it? That's how you find what you really want to do in your life. So, I started to think, if I had a ton of money and didn't have to worry about "making a living", what would I do with my life? Acting was the first answer. Traveling was the second and writing was third. But I've always known that acting is what I want to do. The problem is that I'm not willing to drop everything and hope that I "make it" and become a working actor. I'm willing to try to work up to it. And that is something that has made me question how committed I really am to my true love of acting. If I loved it that much, shouldn't I be willing to do whatever it takes to be a working actor? I don't think that the issue is my commitment to acting, but I do think there is something there to look in to.
I just had a conversation with my mom about how I feel like it's getting close to the time to transition out of real estate. It's what I'm good at and what I know, but it's not what I love doing. It's certainly not what I want my "career" to be. So, what do you want to do, she asked. Well, I just don't know. I mean I do, but I'm not willing to possibly go into debt trying to make it happen. And, I'm not willing to uproot myself and go to LA or NY. Actually, I'm not willing to uproot myself at all right now, for several reasons. So what do I want to do, here and now, that will pay the bills and make me happy? I'm actually really surprised that I can't answer that right now. But, of course, I am my biggest block. I become too reasonable, or analytical, instead of trusting that I can make money doing what I love.
I had a one night stand with a local actor several years back. We were friends before "the big night", but not so much afterwards. We're friendly when we see each other, but it's always a bit awkward. Last year, while I was working on Wit, I ran into him and he gushed about how he's a working actor now. While we've always been supportive of each other's work, I found that I was quite jealous of his new status in the Portland acting community (he's actually a relatively well-known and celebrated actor in Portland). Well, I saw him last Saturday at a wedding and he himself just got married. While talking to him and his wife I found that I kept wanting to work into the conversation that I just got done filming a feature film, but I never brought it up. They were more interested in the fact that I, too, was getting married this year. I then cut the conversation short and went to get a glass of wine, but my desire for him to know that I was still getting acting work was annoying me. I might not be a "working" actor, but I'm a good actor and people want to work with me. But why should I prove that to him? Isn't it myself that I need to convince?
I don't know where I'm going with all this. I wish I knew which direction to point my life. Things are fine the way that they are, but like I said, it's not what I want for the rest of my life. I think I'm going to take an editing class and perhaps a writing class that focuses on a certain genre and see if I can get my self inspired about writing again. I don't know where that will take me, but that's exactly why I want to do it.
And you know, I am a working actor; I just trade my work for the experience and all that wonderful set food.
Love,
Aislinn
I just had a conversation with my mom about how I feel like it's getting close to the time to transition out of real estate. It's what I'm good at and what I know, but it's not what I love doing. It's certainly not what I want my "career" to be. So, what do you want to do, she asked. Well, I just don't know. I mean I do, but I'm not willing to possibly go into debt trying to make it happen. And, I'm not willing to uproot myself and go to LA or NY. Actually, I'm not willing to uproot myself at all right now, for several reasons. So what do I want to do, here and now, that will pay the bills and make me happy? I'm actually really surprised that I can't answer that right now. But, of course, I am my biggest block. I become too reasonable, or analytical, instead of trusting that I can make money doing what I love.
I had a one night stand with a local actor several years back. We were friends before "the big night", but not so much afterwards. We're friendly when we see each other, but it's always a bit awkward. Last year, while I was working on Wit, I ran into him and he gushed about how he's a working actor now. While we've always been supportive of each other's work, I found that I was quite jealous of his new status in the Portland acting community (he's actually a relatively well-known and celebrated actor in Portland). Well, I saw him last Saturday at a wedding and he himself just got married. While talking to him and his wife I found that I kept wanting to work into the conversation that I just got done filming a feature film, but I never brought it up. They were more interested in the fact that I, too, was getting married this year. I then cut the conversation short and went to get a glass of wine, but my desire for him to know that I was still getting acting work was annoying me. I might not be a "working" actor, but I'm a good actor and people want to work with me. But why should I prove that to him? Isn't it myself that I need to convince?
I don't know where I'm going with all this. I wish I knew which direction to point my life. Things are fine the way that they are, but like I said, it's not what I want for the rest of my life. I think I'm going to take an editing class and perhaps a writing class that focuses on a certain genre and see if I can get my self inspired about writing again. I don't know where that will take me, but that's exactly why I want to do it.
And you know, I am a working actor; I just trade my work for the experience and all that wonderful set food.
Love,
Aislinn
posted by Aislinn at
10:24 AM
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