Haunted by Hurlyburly

I am still haunted by a scene I worked on with my acting coach when I first started scene study with him a few years ago. I was checking email today and listening to music and something took me back to it. We were working on a scene from Hurleyburley - a play that he seemed particularly fond of. I'm still disappointed with my work on it. At the time, I was really focused on it and struggling to not judge my work. I was too worried about not wanting to let my partner - who was ultimately my coach - down. One day I'll truly get that that's not what it's about, and I'll stun even myself with my work.

I remember so clearly one rehearsal in particular. I was finding things and I was excited about it. Then, my partner picked me up and put me on my back on the couch. It was a wonderfully impulsive move and it gave me so much - and I froze. Looking up at my coach, I was too afraid to do what I really wanted to do. I allowed myself to get disconnected and I still think about what I could have - even should have - done. I wish I could go back to that moment and play with it.

Just reminds me that I need to jump in with both feet; not put one foot in and keep one foot out for security. Which, of course, is what I do in life as well.

Love,
Aislinn