The Arnett's

Grandpa Arnett, my mom's dad, passed away on July 18, 2007. Neil and I were with him the day he died, though he actually passed an hour after we left. The next morning we found out that we were pregnant. My poor mom's response to the news that she was going to be a grandma, not even 24 hours after her dad died, was, "it's too many shocks at once."

It was a strange time. We were happy to be having a baby, but it was difficult to celebrate with the fresh death of a very beloved family member. The baby helped with the grieving, however. We were being shown the cycle of life...that no matter what struggles you may face, life goes on and many wonderful things happen; even in the midst of sadness.

We were also shown this again when, two months later, Grandma Arnett passed away four days before Neil and I got married. I became known in her nursing home as "the one who's getting married in October," as it was grandma's goal to get strong enough to travel to Central Oregon for the ceremony - and it was all she'd talk about. It's amazing how life plays out, though. My mom already had her trip from Hawaii planned for the wedding and was able to be with grandma when she died. And, though her death was painfully fresh on our wedding day, it was also nice to be able to celebrate her spirit instead of worrying about her physical condition.

My mom's step-sister sent a CD of old photos of my grandpa, which is why I'm sharing all this. Looking at the pictures of him made me smile and it brought a touch of sadness. I feel that I handle death well, but with how much was going on at the time of both of my grandparents' deaths, I've wondered if I was truly able to "recover" that quickly, or if the events in my life were just big enough distractions. There was probably a bit of both going on. I do know that I'm happy that they are not suffering in their bodies anymore. But, I do miss them and I'm sad that my children won't know them.

I thought I'd share a photo of my grandpa...we think I got my curly hair from him...

Love,
Aislinn

The Lone Ranger

Being pregnant, I have become increasingly more introverted. My path has been leading to introversion for quite some time now, but now that I'm not working and spending most of my day at home, there are times that I feel in complete isolation. Until, that is, Neil gets home from work at 8 and we eat dinner together and watch whatever god-awful shows are on television.

I've had offers to go to Lake Oswego to spend the day with my god-sons and their dad. I've only gone when their mom, my longest friend, is there too. Not for any other reason then if I'm going out to them, I'd like to spend time with her too. They very rarely come to see me. Most of the time, I prefer to be alone. After Riley is born, I will rarely have time alone so I'm trying to enjoy it while I have it. But, some times I feel lonely and begin to feel sorry for myself (one of my many faults: "poor me" syndrome). However, though I may be able to call a friend for lunch or even just coffee, my introversion keeps me at home. I simply don't have the desire to gab with a friend over food or a drink that I don't want to spend money on. That statement makes me laugh at myself. It's silly, but it's the way that I am.

I don't want to say that it's my friends that I have a lack of interest in...but it's part of it. I've had a few interactions lately that make me want to step back for a little awhile and let things air out. Out of my main group of five lady friends (and their husbands/boyfriends), I'm the first to have a baby. While in general they are all supportive, some are actually less supportive than I expected and some seem clueless. Not every woman instinctively knows what it's like to be pregnant (I am certainly one of them, learning as I go), but some of the ladies seem to lack even basic common sense about it. I hope that doesn't seem like a harsh judgement of my friends, but it's how I feel and it's certainly contributing to my introversion.

We had a really nice holiday party at our house and that felt good. Though, I know that it will be a month before I see many of them again, at the monthly dinner party. Then, come March, I'll be out of the loop for group gatherings for awhile. I know some friends will follow with children in a year or so, but for now, I feel like the Lone Ranger. I don't think that that is a bad thing, but it's not exactly comfortable right now either.

Love,
Aislinn

Curve

I will soon be one of the editorial interns for Curve magazine - the best-selling lesbian magazine, based out of San Francisco. The Executive Editor, Diane, lives and works here in Portland and flies to SF when needed. I will be working closely with her. It's a non-paying internship but I am thrilled to learn the ins and outs of publishing and editing. Even though I have an English degree and completed an editing course, I don't have any professional experience, nor the confidence to put myself out there as an "editor" for hire. Diane told me that I probably had the least experience of all the candidates but that she really appreciated the spirit of what I am trying to do. My ultimate goal, for the near future, is to raise my children and to work as an editor from home (and do acting work - I have no plans on ignoring my desire to act). I am truly happy that she supports that - and they have a writer for the magazine who does the same thing.

My orientation is this Tuesday, then Diane wants to take a break until the new year. Essentially, I will only be working for two months, as the baby is due in mid March. I'm not sure whether she'll want me to come back after the baby is born. I'm hoping that the internship may lead to other possibilities with the magazine, such as writing, which could extend my time with them. Even in just two months, I'm sure I'll learn an immense amount. Curve's internships are very hands-on and thorough, according to Diane. She said that most magazines will just sit an intern down with a stack of submissions and say, read! Curve, however, wants to help cultivate a career for their interns - if not inside the company, then they at least want them to leave with experience and a glowing recommendation to help them find other work. At this point (as it is with most things in life), it's difficult to see how I will walk away from this, but that's what makes it so exciting. The possibilities are completely open, as far as I'm concerned, and I'm going to make the most of that.

While I am eagerly looking forward to learning and working in the field, I am also struggling with two main fears right now. The first being that I'm not good enough (that my editing skills will not be up to par) and that I won't have the energy for the work as I get closer to giving birth (I'm sure it won't be all sit-down work, I'll probably have my fair shair of running errands). My belly is growing quickly and I've gained over 20 pounds, which is a lot for me (though, I would like to say that I think I still look pretty lean for being pregnant, thank you universe!). However, I am working on letting those fears go. Diane knows I have no experience so I'm sure she knows the risk there. And, though I don't think she has children, I'm sure she'll completely understand if I go through dips in energy. All I can do is be honest and humble - yet be confident in the abilities that I do have.

I am blessed to have this internship and I look forward to experiencing the pieces of the puzzle falling into place.

Love,
Aislinn

National Anthem

Neil sang the National Anthem at the Blazers game tonight, it was quite fun. He got his own dressing room, we got to be on the court with the players during warm ups (for the mike check) and it was great to hear the announcer say his name to a supposedly sold out crowd.

It was a big moment for Neil. His many turns as National Anthem singer for the Special Olympics games finally paid off when he was asked to sing at the Blazers Street Jam this summer. There, he met the man who books the talent for the Blazers. After months of emailing and calling this man, his assistant finally emailed and told Neil that they wanted him to sing at tonight's game against the Jazz. I was so proud of him. And, the Blazers won! It was a good game.

We returned from our visit to my mom in Hawaii two days ago. It was hard to leave, of course, but at least we had something to look forward to.

Love,
Aislinn