The Lone Ranger

Being pregnant, I have become increasingly more introverted. My path has been leading to introversion for quite some time now, but now that I'm not working and spending most of my day at home, there are times that I feel in complete isolation. Until, that is, Neil gets home from work at 8 and we eat dinner together and watch whatever god-awful shows are on television.

I've had offers to go to Lake Oswego to spend the day with my god-sons and their dad. I've only gone when their mom, my longest friend, is there too. Not for any other reason then if I'm going out to them, I'd like to spend time with her too. They very rarely come to see me. Most of the time, I prefer to be alone. After Riley is born, I will rarely have time alone so I'm trying to enjoy it while I have it. But, some times I feel lonely and begin to feel sorry for myself (one of my many faults: "poor me" syndrome). However, though I may be able to call a friend for lunch or even just coffee, my introversion keeps me at home. I simply don't have the desire to gab with a friend over food or a drink that I don't want to spend money on. That statement makes me laugh at myself. It's silly, but it's the way that I am.

I don't want to say that it's my friends that I have a lack of interest in...but it's part of it. I've had a few interactions lately that make me want to step back for a little awhile and let things air out. Out of my main group of five lady friends (and their husbands/boyfriends), I'm the first to have a baby. While in general they are all supportive, some are actually less supportive than I expected and some seem clueless. Not every woman instinctively knows what it's like to be pregnant (I am certainly one of them, learning as I go), but some of the ladies seem to lack even basic common sense about it. I hope that doesn't seem like a harsh judgement of my friends, but it's how I feel and it's certainly contributing to my introversion.

We had a really nice holiday party at our house and that felt good. Though, I know that it will be a month before I see many of them again, at the monthly dinner party. Then, come March, I'll be out of the loop for group gatherings for awhile. I know some friends will follow with children in a year or so, but for now, I feel like the Lone Ranger. I don't think that that is a bad thing, but it's not exactly comfortable right now either.

Love,
Aislinn