Back from the 'Bush

I've been so busy the last week I haven't had a chance to check in. Riley is napping at the moment, albeit fussily, so I may not be able to write long. Riley and I went to Breitenbush Hot Springs the last few days with my mom and it was wonderful. Riley loves being outside. It was so precious the way he gazed up at the trees - he was clearly taken by them. We stayed in a nice warm cabin and made many friends. Having a baby sure does break down many boundaries (which is good for me). We met a couple from Canada (she's Canadian, he's from Ireland) who are expecting a baby as well. She completely fell in love with Riley and her little baby girl kicked whenever she held him. Riley has a girlfriend already!

We also met a couple from Iran. The woman moved here nine years ago when her sister was able to help them get a green card. She moved with her son. It was either to move here or her son would have to go into the military. She was separated from her husband and daughter for five years before they were able to join them. My mom said to her, "wow, did you miss them?" (silly question) and her response was, "Yes, but I had to do it." I didn't detect an ounce of "poor me" in her answer, she was very matter of fact. She didn't even think twice, to save her son. Her story was so touching to me, as I held my son in my arms. My mom asked if I would move across the world to save my son; I would go where ever I had to. I just can't imagine being away from my husband and other child for five years. And it was beautiful to see them together, very supportive and loving. That's commitment. And devotion.

I'm glad to be back, but it's also overwhelming being back with telephones and television and loud appliances and traffic and unconscious people. Breitenbush is one of my favorite places. I am grateful that I was able to take Riley and I hope we get to go often.

Love,
Aislinn

Beautiful Boy

Riley had his third craniosacral treatment today and he did so good. He was worked on by a student of his normal therapist and Riley just gazed at him and talked and sang. It was so precious, I was so proud. It's such an improvement. We were even able to go out to dinner afterwards and we all got to sit down together, for the most part, instead of one of us walking his fussy butt around the whole time. I still had to get up a couple times, but he was easy about it.

I'm not attributing the shift in his demeanor entirely to the treatments, but I know that they are helping. I have really noticed a shift in Riley in the last few days. Even my mom made the comment that he looks like a little boy now. Uh, yeah, he is a boy, I said. But she meant that he is transitioning from baby to boy; that he's really coming into his body and he is a lot more present. His normal therapist acknowledged that today as well.

There was another baby there today, a little girl. She was so small I though for sure she was only a few weeks old, but she's nine weeks. Riley is ten weeks and twice her size. His doctor says that he is off the charts in his growth. He currently weighs 14 pounds and is 25 inches long. He doesn't look big to me because he is proportionate, but when you put him next to another baby that's the same age, he looks huge. He does have a lot of height in his family. Neil is 6' and my dad is 6'1". I think my dad's hoping for a basketball player. I'm just hoping that he's not lanky and awkward.

Anyhow, it was a really good day. My boy is so beautiful.

Love,
Aislinn

I Really Am Good

Leah, my friend that I ran into the other night, sent me a link to her blog. She has posted many pictures of her and her new baby and her family. It was so lovely to see her first born all grown up and I had never seen her second born. What struck me, however, was that she had posted the photos in the first place. I am reluctant to post pictures of Riley because he is sacred to me and I don't want to plaster him all over the Internet. This is in no way a negative judgment of Leah, but a chance for me to reflect on myself. Somewhere along the lines I became pretty closed off. A friend of mine came over last night and we gave each other a huge hug and she asked how I was doing. I told her I was doing really good and I had to check myself after I said it. I really did feel good, so why did I question it? Have I become so removed and jaded (am I really?) that I think I'm supposed to exist in a world where something is always amiss? I really don't know where this reluctance to trust that I have a great life comes from. And why wouldn't I want to share this great life with everyone?

It puzzles me. And it saddens me a little, because I used to be really outgoing. When I check in, though, there is a part of me that is fine with being so private. It's just where I'm at right now. But, I can feel something stirring deep down inside that wants to come back out. Like a child that hasn't been allowed to play for a long time. I think having Riley will help me to come out of my shell again. Neil wants him to be around other children and wants me to stop being so anti-social. It's going to take a conscious effort, and a little forcing, but I want that too.

Love,
Aislinn

Old Friends

If you're ever bored, go to the New Seasons on Division. My mom and I were there last night and we ran into three old friends. The most exciting for me was one of my closest friends from high school. We had lost touch about a year after I moved to Portland from Bend. I have been thinking about her a lot lately and was even going to call my ex high school sweetheart to see if he knew how to get a hold of her. Lo and behold, she, her husband and their two girls moved to Portland a year ago. Her husband is a renowned body piercer and they opened their second shop, Nomad, on Division - the first shop being in Bend. I was so shocked and elated to see her last night. She just had their third child, a boy, two weeks ago. Not only am I happy to reconnect with her because she was a good friend, but because she has children. I am the only one out of my group of friends to have a baby, and, bless their hearts, they try but they just don't understand how much a baby changes your way of being and how you spend your time (of course, I didn't either until I experienced it). My best friend and my godchildren just moved to Carlsbad, CA, which has been hard for me. But, now I have a new connection with an old friend to look forward to.

It got pretty rough with the baby for awhile there. He was very colicky and I have completely changed my diet. No dairy, no gluten, no soy and no leafy green veggies. It's a tough diet (I never realized how much I liked salads until I couldn't eat them), but he's doing much better. He still gets pretty fussy around 6 or 7 in the evening, but it's bearable because we know it will only last for an hour or two. The other challenge that we've been having is that he only recently grew to abhor his car seat. So, nearly every time we go somewhere he screams inconsolably until we get to where we're going or we stop and take him out and walk him around or I try to feed him. It makes going anywhere quite the experience. We went to the coast for Mother's Day and only had to stop once on the way there, but coming back was awful. His screams are like nails on a chalkboard. And it breaks my heart to hear and see him in so much distress. We're meeting my dad at Government Camp this weekend and both Neil and I are dreading the drive.

I can say, though, that no matter how fussy the baby gets or how much he screams, when he smiles at me it erases all frustrations. His smile is the best thing in the world to me.

Things are look up.

Love,
Aislinn