Mixed Bag

We just got home from a week and a half at the coast. Neil is doing his Emergency Room clinicals in Tillamook of all places, so me, the baby and my mom headed over too. My dad got us a nice condo in Rockaway Beach for a week, then we moved to a small, pink house in Cape Meares. It was hard to let myself be okay with being gone from home for that long. I really had no reason to be in Portland, I finally realized, and it was refreshing to be in the salty air.

Our week got off to a good start by meeting author Ursula K. LeGuin in Cannon Beach, whose new book Lavinia I bought and read. It's been awhile since I ventured to journey into a book and it was lovely to sit in the sun, listening to the waves while the baby would nap, and read. And of course we went to the Tillamook Cheese Factory, which was rather boring, but we got some good cheese. And the weather was absolutely gorgeous the whole week. I was disappointed by the rudeness of the locals - mostly restaurant servers. Many changed their attitude once their rudeness was brought to their attention, but those moments of creating awareness were awkward, and by the end of the week we were pretty fed up with it.

The week ended roughly, however, when we went to see the lighthouse at Cape Meares and saw a man and a woman trying to find the owner of a red car with Cali plates. Someone had locked their baby in their car. Not, oh shit I just locked the baby in the car! But, oh my baby is asleep so we'll just lock him up in the car while we go sightseeing. I was utterly shocked. Now that I'm a mom, I am more deeply affected by situations concerning babies. I ran over to the car and tried to reach my arm through the small gap of the cracked window to unlock the door. I had my mom try too and she was close, but the man lifted his young son and he was able to reach it. I also tried to call 911 but I didn't have any service. The poor baby was screaming and he had a sweater on. The man pulled him out and took his sweater off and I looked at him and said hi. He gave me the sweetest little unsure smile. Bless his heart. Then, the baby's dad came walking up and didn't understand what the fuss was about. He said that the baby fell asleep just as they got there and they were just going to the lookout. The lighthouse was farther away than he thought and didn't expect to be gone so long. The father didn't even know where the mother and his other child were. They were all just out looking around while their baby screamed in a hot car. The man had an accent that I couldn't place, but I wasn't really focused on that. I was shaking from anger and shock. Beyond the health risk of locking his baby in a hot car, I told the man that the poor baby was also scared. He woke up and no one was there. What is wrong with people? I don't care where you're from, it's not okay to ever deliberately lock a baby in a car. It was so upsetting to me that I broke down and cried. I know the preciousness of a baby now and the situation broke my heart.

So, I left the coast feeling disheartened about my fellow man. Rudeness and unawareness. I wish people would be more conscious. But, I also left with a deeper appreciation of the beauty that is Oregon. And I am grateful that Riley got to experience it's beauty as well.

Love,
Aislinn

Smoking at the Morgue

So, several years ago I filmed a movie called La Devocion - I've mentioned it before. We filmed at a school in the Brooklyn neighborhood one night. It was a scene where my boyfriend and I had stolen my brother's body from the city morgue and were struggling to carry it. So, I told my boyfriend to stop at some stairs and I sat down and lit a cigarette. He was pretty disgusted that I had lit up, out of breath and all. It's actually a pretty humorous scene.

Well, I was walking the baby the other day and stopped at the stairs where we had filmed.

As I reminisced, I saw the sign posted to the left of the doors. I don't remember it being there when we filmed. But, we did film at night and it was several years ago. So, I moved in closer to see what it said.

I was totally tickled. And I still am. It's just perfect.

Love,

Aislinn

I'm Not Superwoman

I haven't written in awhile not just because I haven't felt like it, but also because I can't seem to get my hands free long enough to write. My sweet, beautiful son is quite the handful. When Neil or my mom come around, he smiles and laughs and talks. When it's just he and I, he's a pill. I don't know what the deal is. Perhaps he feels my exhaustion from always having to be on with him. Feed him, burp him, change him, clean up his spit up, walk him, bathe him, rock him, play with him, drive with him, swing him, cry with him and, hopefully, sleep with him. Or, if I can't sleep with him, I'm folding laundry, washing dishes, vacuuming the floor, scrubbing the toilet, putting groceries away, cooking dinner, picking up toys, blankets, burp rags and clothes, paying bills and, if I'm lucky, checking email.

Neil said to me tonight, nobody said it would be easy and I'm sure you're doing great. My response: I don't care that it's hard. I don't care that raising a baby is my full time job. In fact, I like that being with my son consumes my whole day (and night). What bothers me is that at times I feel judged for having a messy house or not committing to get-togethers with friends or not putting together a new lamp yet or not taking the new electric toothbrush head out of the package yet. These are brought to my attention and it drives me nuts. It's like people forget that my complete focus is on taking care of my four-month-old son - or when he's asleep, taking care of my basic needs, like eating, peeing and deodorant. Just because I'm not superwoman doesn't mean I'm not multi-tasking like crazy, learning how to do things in half the time I used to do them (maybe even a quarter of the time) and trying to make my son, husband, mother and close friends happy all at the same time.

I'll say it again, I don't mind that it's hard. It will get easier as time goes on. I'm a new mom. It's gonna be rough for awhile. Just don't get on my case about things that you could help with. Because I'm not superwoman and I don't want to be superwoman. And, don't look at me weird when I get bummed out when the baby laughs and smiles for you after he's cried and whined with me for eight hours straight.

But, that's my world and I'm gettin' used to it. I'll have it down just in time for it change.

Love,
Aislinn