Pity Party
I'm feeling very blah today. Although, a large part of it, I know, is that I'm giving myself a pity party. I'm surrounded by many people in my life who are regularly praised, and even revered, and compared to them I sometimes feel like a nobody...that is how I'm feeling today. It's not as superficial as it sounds but I don't feel like getting into all of it.
I'll just say that I work very hard, and I don't mean just at my day job, though that is the main cause of my stress and feeling overwhelmed. A few posts back I spoke of becoming more domestic, but it's still difficult for me and I work hard at it. Cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, yard work, taking care of the cat, paying bills...making sure Neil and I are living happily and healthily. Plus, my best friend recently moved to Lake Oswego and I have put a lot of energy, albeit happily, into visiting her, playing with my god sons, cooking dinner with them...I think, though, that most of the energy is used in simply trying to create the time after I've worked all day during the week or cleaned the house and ran errands all day on the weekends. I also go to my acting class once a week, meet with my acting partner outside of class to rehearse and try to work on class assignments...and I'm also studying to get my real estate license (which is more work than I thought it would be, whooo weee!).
I'm not complaining about my life, though I'm sure it sounds that way. I am very blessed to have a steady job, a warm home, food to eat and good friends to surround myself with. I don't take any of it for granted.
I feel like I'm the one who is taken for granted. I feel like I live in the shadows of those around me, yet I am their support. I do all these things and rarely get praised or even thanked for them, but the people who surround me do one small gesture and they are everyone's hero, everyone's best friend. That sounds so dramatic, but it honestly blows me away sometimes, the reality of it. Though, I do take responsibility that this is my view, my interpretation.
My Leo moon (attention craving emotions) wants to be recognized, but I know that I need to stop looking outside of myself for approval and praise. That's a huge lesson, and struggle, for me that I often fail at. It is nice to be appreciated, though.
I find myself wanting to explain all these things that have happened recently, and throughout my life, that are fueling my pity party...but enough is enough. Plus, it's Neil's birthday on Monday, we're going to Mt. Hood for the weekend, and he's wanting to leave right now and I still have to pack. We're going to stay in my ex-step dad's family's condo...and hopefully go skiing...if I can muster the energy.
The Tao Te Ching often speaks of accepting what is in your life and not trying to make it right or wrong. If something good happens, good. If something bad happens, good. The master takes what comes to him...and in Aislinn terms, doesn't throw a pity party.
Love,
Aislinn
I'll just say that I work very hard, and I don't mean just at my day job, though that is the main cause of my stress and feeling overwhelmed. A few posts back I spoke of becoming more domestic, but it's still difficult for me and I work hard at it. Cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, yard work, taking care of the cat, paying bills...making sure Neil and I are living happily and healthily. Plus, my best friend recently moved to Lake Oswego and I have put a lot of energy, albeit happily, into visiting her, playing with my god sons, cooking dinner with them...I think, though, that most of the energy is used in simply trying to create the time after I've worked all day during the week or cleaned the house and ran errands all day on the weekends. I also go to my acting class once a week, meet with my acting partner outside of class to rehearse and try to work on class assignments...and I'm also studying to get my real estate license (which is more work than I thought it would be, whooo weee!).
I'm not complaining about my life, though I'm sure it sounds that way. I am very blessed to have a steady job, a warm home, food to eat and good friends to surround myself with. I don't take any of it for granted.
I feel like I'm the one who is taken for granted. I feel like I live in the shadows of those around me, yet I am their support. I do all these things and rarely get praised or even thanked for them, but the people who surround me do one small gesture and they are everyone's hero, everyone's best friend. That sounds so dramatic, but it honestly blows me away sometimes, the reality of it. Though, I do take responsibility that this is my view, my interpretation.
My Leo moon (attention craving emotions) wants to be recognized, but I know that I need to stop looking outside of myself for approval and praise. That's a huge lesson, and struggle, for me that I often fail at. It is nice to be appreciated, though.
I find myself wanting to explain all these things that have happened recently, and throughout my life, that are fueling my pity party...but enough is enough. Plus, it's Neil's birthday on Monday, we're going to Mt. Hood for the weekend, and he's wanting to leave right now and I still have to pack. We're going to stay in my ex-step dad's family's condo...and hopefully go skiing...if I can muster the energy.
The Tao Te Ching often speaks of accepting what is in your life and not trying to make it right or wrong. If something good happens, good. If something bad happens, good. The master takes what comes to him...and in Aislinn terms, doesn't throw a pity party.
Love,
Aislinn
posted by Aislinn at
7:34 PM
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